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The Keys to Happiness, and Why We Don’t Use Them By Robin Lloyd, Special to LiveScience

posted: 27 February 2006 08:55 am ET

http://www.livescience.com/health/060227_happiness_keys.html

“It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don’t make it.”
—Author and researcher Gregg Easterbrook

Psychologists have recently handed the keys to happiness to the public, but many people cling to gloomy ways out of habit, experts say.

Polls show Americans are no happier today than they were 50 years ago despite significant increases in prosperity, decreases in crime, cleaner air, larger living quarters and a better overall quality of life.

So what gives?

Happiness is 50 percent genetic, says University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken. What you do with the other half of the challenge depends largely on determination, psychologists agree. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

What works, and what doesn’t

Happiness does not come via prescription drugs, although 10 percent of women 18 and older and 4 percent of men take antidepressants, according to the Department of Health and Human Services. Anti-depressants benefit those with mental illness but are no happiness guarantee, researchers say.

Be Happy
University of Pennsylvania’s Martin Seligman offers questionnaires for assessing your happiness, beating depression and developing insights into how to be happier on his web site.

Nor will money or prosperity buy happiness for many of us. Money that lifts people out of poverty increases happiness, but after that, the better paychecks stop paying off sense-of-well-being dividends, research shows.

One route to more happiness is called “flow,” an engrossing state that comes during creative or playful activity, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has found. Athletes, musicians, writers, gamers, and religious adherents know the feeling. It comes less from what you’re doing than from how you do it.

Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California at Riverside has discovered that the road toward a more satisfying and meaningful life involves a recipe repeated in schools, churches and synagogues. Make lists of things for which you’re grateful in your life, practice random acts of kindness, forgive your enemies, notice life’s small pleasures, take care of your health, practice positive thinking, and invest time and energy into friendships and family.

The happiest people have strong friendships, says Ed Diener, a psychologist University of Illinois. Interestingly his research finds that most people are slightly to moderately happy, not unhappy.

On your own

Some Americans are reluctant to make these changes and remain unmotivated even though our freedom to pursue happiness is written into the preamble of the Declaration of Independence.

Don’t count on the government, for now, Easterbrook says.

Our economy lacks the robustness to sustain policy changes that would bring about more happiness, like reorienting cities to minimize commute times.

The onus is on us.

“There are selfish reasons to behave in altruistic ways,” says Gregg Easterbrook, author of “The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse” (Random House, 2004).

“Research shows that people who are grateful, optimistic and forgiving have better experiences with their lives, more happiness, fewer strokes, and higher incomes,” according to Easterbrook. “If it makes world a better place at same time, this is a real bonus.”

Diener has collected specific details on this. People who positively evaluate their well-being on average have stronger immune systems, are better citizens at work, earn more income, have better marriages, are more sociable, and cope better with difficulties.

Unhappy by default

Lethargy holds many people back from doing the things that lead to happiness.

Easterbrook, also a Visiting Fellow at the Brookings Institute, goes back to Freud, who theorized that unhappiness is a default condition because it takes less effort to be unhappy than to be happy.

“If you are looking for something to complain about, you are absolutely certain to find it,” Easterbrook told LiveScience. “It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don’t make it. Most people take the path of least resistance. Far too many people today don’t make the steps to make their life more fulfilling one.”

Practicing Stillness

I have become very motivated by momentary and more frequently occurring “successes” I’ve had with practicing stillness, thanks to the coaching of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah in the webcasts mentioned in the previous post. I want more of these experiences of being Presence behind the stories of my life. I had practiced Vipassana Meditation quite regularly many years ago and felt that meditation could support my wish to “awaken”. So, I decided to visit a Buddhist Zen Center near my home as part of the effort to revive my practice. I felt that through meditation I could build the strength for staying in the Now, as Eckhart Tolle calls it. Here is the story of my first day…. I went to the Zen Center this morning and found it to be surprisingly refreshing and relaxing. The first time visitor teacher said that sitting in meditation can be relaxing when all the bones are lined up and actually, the methodology and having a way to do everything was very relaxing to me. I had a preconceived notion that Zen Meditation was very austere and difficult to learn and succeed at. Actually, it was more like learning your part in a play which was not too difficult and then you are free to observe your inner workings and eventually learn that impermanence is the quality of all things in this life. As far as succeeding, our instructor said that some people have spent years trying to perfect their practice, and that then they give up, realizing that we never reach perfection. So he said that we could go that route or just give up on perfection today and go on from there. In our 30 minute introduction “how to” session, I learned that as in the formal ceremonies of Japan, Zen meditation has an arbitrary, agreed upon form or way to sit, posture wise and way to hold your hands, etc. and the process is to focus in the posture and be mindful and that leads to stilling the mind, ….and opens the door to creativity and intuitive living. I actually enjoyed myself…in that very structured setting. I felt safe to be myself and was an interested guest in the ritual and ceremony and satisfied that I could play my small part. During my 30 minute meditation, I was more open to the many fears and foibles of my life rising to the surface because the physical position was set and the Play would last just 30 minutes. And I felt a bit freed of my burdens not to have to talk or listen to talk. One more thing… this experience was like visiting another culture, and because of my exposure to Taiji, and other elements of Chinese and Japanese culture, I was somewhat familiar with the unusual scene of dark robes, incense and chanting and bowing. I was amazed with the way this Zendo is replicating the way Buddhism evolved in Japan.

A New Earth Opportunity

Take the opportunity to watch the 10 session conversation with author Eckhart Tolle and Oprah based on the material from Tolle’s book A New Earth on Oprah.com www.oprah.com . Although the 10 week live webcast has concluded, video files are still available to view or download in Oprah’s website. The early webcasts could be used as an introduction to reading the book. Look for a “book club” in your area or start one yourself. This book and webconversation are a great focus point for sharing stories.  Awakening to your Life’s Purpose is the book’s subtitle and this guide will give you the tools to live life to the fullest, to bring energy wisdom and creativity to every pursuit, no matter how seemingly mundane. You will also learn how to move on from the place of being controlled by ego and the pain of past experiences. These tools are a doorway to awareness that can be utilized by each unique individual. You will know right away if this work grabs you… and if so, how to live, how to get through the day, no matter what it brings, can become a matter of practicing Presence of the Spirit within. The skillfully written text of A New Earth is footnoted with words and stories of wisdom from Christianity, Buddhism, Sufism, A Course in Miracles, psychology and more.

Workshops, small group classes, indiviual lessons and counseling are offered by appointment  To recieve email notification of scheduled classes and workshops, please respond to the Contact Me page. Sessions are available in person in the Hillsborough/ Chapel Hill area, as well as by phone and email correspondence.

Tune your vibration

The Law of Attraction is a three step process: step 1: we desire something, which sends out a flare of vibration to Source Energy (step 2: it is created for us) and step 3 we raise our vibration by any means possible to be at the feeling level that our wish would produce. In other words, we need to turn our “radio dial” to the frequency of the experience of having what we want, in order to receive it.  (possible means: visualization of other times that we had our needs met or other times that we were productive, or appreciating this that and the other in our current existence, or going toward a circumstance that gives relief to our current state, or meditating without much of a goal, even distraction),  OK, so far so good. Once again, consider the meaning of “turning downstream” when at a turning point. In which direction will you get relief, feel better, be more comfortable, be yourself?  

What comes most to mind is these questions as far as the Abrahams gift…

So how does one consciously and with the highest intent “build” or create a vibrational rate in their body in order to consciously attract to them to what they have or are asking for? How does one attain the capacity to bring forth the highest intent in order to only have given what is most sacred and in service to Spirit?

So how does one consciously and with the highest intent “build” or create a vibrational rate in their body in order to consciously attract to them to what they have or are asking for?

We need to be a vibrational match to the experience we are asking for in order to allow it in our lives. If we want a good relationship or life work, we make the general list of how and what we want as components in that relationship or life work, and also add that we want to be in alignment with our highest purpose. Then we visualize and imagine the feeling we would have in that situation, more than imagining specific details of our life. Feelings might be fulfillment, confidence, joy, passion. See the list of feelings from the Ask and It is Given book listed on the page 1 blog of my counseling website. The other part of the theory is that when we ask, Spirit Gives…immediately. And we have to move our vibration to the level that allows us to recieve it…that is becoming a vibrational match. So, as in the list of feelings above…our next task is to place ourselves in circumstances, visualizations or meditations where we do feel fulfillment, confidence, joy, passion. …and also to find thoughts, that you also believe, that move up on the vibrational scale…see that list of feelings on my website. So instead of thinking…I have not found what I am wanting in X area (frustration, sadness) , think something like I am paying attention to my inner voice and am on the path of my higher purpose (satisfaction, pride, fulfillment). Focusing on a thoughts like this for 20, 30, 60 seconds will attract other thoughts of that higher vibration. Experiment with this…I find it to be true in my experience.

How does one attain the capacity to bring forth the highest intent in order to only have given what is most sacred and in service to Spirit?

Once again, Imaging the feeling that you would have when in alignment with what is most sacred and in service to Spirit, ….and then through visualization, meditation, choosing circumstances and by finding thoughts that you do have that create those feelings.

The book Ask and It is Given has many Processes and exercises that would help in designing your own methods. I will listen to the tapes and CD’s I have to see which one speaks to your questions.

Thanks for asking!!

I’m wanting something in my life that will give me something to do, to give me a sense of accomplishment, and I feel particularly lonely. I’m trying to be patient in all things, but it seems that my life is relatively fine, with the exception of someone to love. 

I have a few principles to share with you. A lot of my current practicing of how to is based on the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks, the Abraham lectures. I will start with the relationship issue because you seem to have most clarity about that issue. That makes it easier to align with fulfillment. First trying not to think about the fact that your partner is not in the room is a good tactic because feeling pretty good is the way to attract more that feels pretty good into your life. If you focus on I am lonely, then situations that produce that feeling of sadness, or frustration will pop up for you. It is like a radio dial…if you want happiness, fulfillment, fun then you must tune yourself up to that type of feeling with choosing thoughts and circumstances that bring up that positive emotion.  If you look at someone or something and start to think of what you don’t have, have a backlog of other possible thoughts you could focus on that would get you to feeling a little better. Now, the most important factor is to write statements that are true and give you a better feeling regarding a relationship. Such as… I am open to sharing my life with another person…I am ready to be a good partner…or something that feels true for you. That’s right…find the positve thoughts that you can say are true and focus on them to the exclusion of other “downward spiral” or “seeing the downside” . Even if you think it is true…like so and so was being greedy…don’t focus on that part of the situation. Focus on, for example, “I am maintaining my center in this situation” Good thoughts and feeling attract more of the same.  I really, really recommend the book Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks because not only is there an outline of principles, there are really good exercises that can help you identify thoughts that you currently hold that produce a bit better feeling about any situation.
The book in a nut shell is that whatever we want, whatever desires and wishes emanate from us, those circumstances that would fulfill our desires are immediately brought into being. The reason we don’t see those things is that we are filling our thoughts with the absence of the circumstance instead of the happiness we will feel. In fact, we need to notice everything that causes any happiness and fulfillment in our life now and focus on THAT in order to produce the good feelings…the rest that we have asked for will then start moving toward us.
Well, this is just the beginning :)) and since I can’t see your reaction to this long passage, I’d better break for your response.
Send questions or comments!!

Script Writing for a New Attitude

Script Writing for a New AttitudeTaught by Kathy Alberter, MSW  Sunday 10/14/07   1-3 pm in HillsboroughClass $15, Private lesson by appointment $35 Please call or email for location, directions 919-949-7284 kathy@kathyalberter.com Do you want a New Attitude? Whether you are discovering the Law of Attraction, The Secret, a Course in Miracles or the small still voice within….Now it is time for a new script to match your desires for your life.In this class we will rewrite messages that we speak to others at home, at work, in meetings and also messages that we speak to ourselves. You will learn to choose your thoughts based on what you want to communicate to yourself and others. From this base you will then design written scripts in order to deliver your new message…in much the same way that you might train for a new job. 

June Parenting Workshop

Communication Skills for Parents

Sundays in June, 2-3 pm. Elsewhere, King Street

School is out for them, What about me?

These workshops explore four focus areas to set up communication for a good summer with your kids

Topics:
Complete the Communication Circuit

Teaching Communication Skills to your Kids

Love and Boundaries

Appreciation and Celebration

Workshop topics are scheduled by demand.
Each workshop is $15 with advance registration and payment required.
Four workshops for $50 paid in advance

Sliding scale and trade available
Call Kathy for registation and information 919-732-0979

From The Art of Allowing Workshop, 7/19/03 Ashland,OR
http://www.abraham-hicks.com/ for information

(Notes from listening to the CD)

It is your natural state to feel wonderful.

You need to be in the proximity of the feeling/vibration state you want to get to.

You are capable of gradually reaclimating your vibrational frequency.

Some positive speakers might say:

Don’t be angry, be joyful….don’t be jealous, be loving…..don’t be sad be happy…

We say
Don’t be …….. sad be …………less sad
Don’t be Less sad be … partly sad
Don’t be partly sad be … hardly sad
Don’t be hardly sad be… seldom sad
Don’t be seldom sad be… sometimes glad
Don’t be sometimes glad be .. often glad
Don’t be often glad be… more often glad
Don’t be more often glad be … mostly glad
Don’t be mostly glad be …glad

And from chapter 18 in Ask and It Is Given, you have to be willing to choose a thought that carries a little better vibration ( and I might add, resist the temptation to skip all the middle steps and try to attach to the final, opposite thought..for me, my tendency is to want to immediately skip to the end when I notice a thought with a low vibration, but I have found that I will usually find myself thinking that low vibration thought again within a short time!), and after experiencing that for a time, choose a little better feeling thought.

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